noregretsnotearsnoanxieties:

adohrinq:

TRIGGER WARNING:

suicide, self-harm, ed behavior

• Please read 🙂

I decided to share a note I wrote to myself a few months ago that I intended to be a suicide note but then turned into me expressing how I felt about my actions toward myself.

I want to help others not feel so alone and just be a person someone can relate to and understand. So please, if you can, continue reading. But also I want you to be safe so if you feel like you can’t continue, please don’t. Recovery is a bitch but you can do it.

“It is my biggest dream for you to love yourself the way you love the people around you. You spend so much energy on them and making sure they know how much you love them, but why can’t you put some of that energy into yourself?

I wish you would stop looking at yourself in the mirror and wishing that you looked like that girl you saw on instagram earlier.

I wish you would stop worrying about if you look ugly to the people around you.

I wish you didn’t feel like you have to make yourself throw up and starve in order to be skinny enough for society.

I wish you didn’t get super anxious every time the nurse tells you to step on the scale.

I wish you didn’t feel like you have to put a razor to your skin to punish yourself for things you can’t control.

I wish the marks on your leg and arm didn’t hold you back from going swimming with your best friends and just enjoying yourself.

I just wish you would stop caring what everyone thinks of you and wondering what they see.

I wish you didn’t look at your face in the mirror and immediately tear up because you wish you were prettier.

I wish you wouldn’t stay up until 4 am thinking about suicide and how you would do it.

I wish you didn’t cry all night thinking about how people would react if you killed yourself.

I wish you wouldn’t cut yourself and think “what if I just pressed a little harder and ended it all?”

I wish you wouldn’t trace your veins with the razor hoping to accidentally slip and go deeper.

I wish you wouldn’t not care about that fact that you haven’t eaten anything and it’s already 5pm.

I wish you didn’t feel worthless.

I wish you believed in yourself.

I wish you didn’t feel uncomfortable about your sexuality.

There are so many things that you do that I wish you didn’t, but my opinions are always washed out by the negative thoughts and opinions.

I feel like I will not win.

I may be the light in your mind, but I now feel like I’m losing.

My light is getting dimmer and I have no power.

At least one thing I know from being in your head for so long is that you have a beautiful soul and a kind heart.

I just wanted to let you know that before I diminish completely.

I hope you recognize this beauty someday and spread your love and kind words.

Uplift others and bring me back to life.”

If you’ve made it this far, I’d really like to hear your thoughts. My dms are always open.

I also crave validation so just small words of encouragement are greatly appreciated 🙂

Bless you for posting this.