“Having included descriptions of hypothetical asexuals enjoying regular sex with their partners in the AVEN big FAQ, I actually found it mildly shocking to discover this ‘sex positive asexual manifesto’ had eventually succeeded in encouraging sexually active people with little or no sexual attraction to others to comfortably identify was asexual (even more so when I eventually met one in person who cited my FAQ, not knowing who I was). Not shocking that they existed, but that ‘FAQ Activism’ has the power to shape communities and even individual self identities. When my email address was still on the FAQ, it was that type of asexual who particularly used to send me thank you messages about how important the site was to them. It seemed like that message resonated with a lot of people who had struggled with having a very low sex drive while not relating to the anti-sexual message of the earlier asexual communities. I think the extremely inclusive message helped people who had previously felt they had to censor their life experiences when engaging with the asexual community in the fear of being accused of not being a ‘real asexual’. I imagine this also in turn pushed the anti-sexuals out of the proto-community and caused them to create reactionary definitions and communities of their own. Thankfully inclusivity seems to have won out, presumably because it inherently attracts and includes more people.”
—
paranoidgynandroid
Tag: THIS
This time of year can be frustrating for people in the aro/ace community.
I will be here, whenever you need to talk.
transcription under the cut:
“Include Disabled People in Activism,” The 17-year-old behind @elliewheels, Ellie uses her Instagram account to bring visibility to disability rights, women’s rights, and LGBTQ rights, c. March 2018.
Photo credit: Blair B. Brown
A note about kink at pride
So it’s pride month so it’s time for all the baby queers to complain about people wearing leather straps and or gimp masks at pride events because BDSM is not LGBTQ+. And they are right. They are also wrong.
There is a misconception that BDSM is the “logical conclusion of patriarchical power structures”. That’s just not what it is. A quick Google search of the acronym will tell you that BDSM grew out of the leather culture movement, and leather culture was started by…… gay men. All of BDSM’s fashion statements and consent rules and safewords came from gay culture if it really was patriarchy in action, there wouldn’t be so much care put into ensuring that everyone is safe or such a rigorous emphasis on the idea that the sub can call everything off at any time. That comes from viewing your partner as an equal even as you play at a power dynamic. BDSM may have been co-opted by the straights, but it comes from gay culture.
When people wear their fetish gear at pride, they aren’t saying kinky is a sexual orientation and part of LGBTQ+. They are paying homage to the queer history of the lifestyle, and many of them may be queer themselves.
Sincerely, a bi/ace-spec submissive who did the fucking research
Reminder that Brenda Howard was a proud and vocal member of the BDSM community until her death in 2005. Watch a video by her life partner about her. The kink and LGBTQ+/queer communities have long been deeply intertwined. In fact, the William Way Center in Philly hosts a monthly BDSM night! (Link with NSFW picture.)
“Bi, Poly, Switch—I’m not greedy. I just know what I want.” – Brenda Howard, Mother of Pride
Please note that this does not mean you should engage in any sort of scene in public at Pride! Consent is absolutely mandatory for engaging in any sort of scene, and the thousands of onlookers did not consent to see you walking someone on a leash, or flogging someone’s back. There’s a difference between “wearing bondage gear” and “engaging in a scene,” just as there’s a difference between “wearing an apron and a polo” and “waiting tables at a restaurant”. One is an outfit, the other is an activity.
For anyone who will have to deal with unsupportive family this Pride month
Congratulations I’m your family now. Stay hydrated eat your veggies and support yourself. I’m proud of you.
it is 2018 and i am begging you all to please stop making the LGBT community out to be a collection of freaky abnormal weirdos
freaky abnormal weirdo coming through
Our oppressors already think we are a collection of freaky abnormal weirdos so we might as well fucking own it!
or we could continue to challenge this harmful & tired stereotype that they use as a justification for MURDERING US. just a thought. a fucking… flicker in my mind, y’know.
If you take away their justification for murdering us they will just find a new justification for murdering us
The cause of their hate is not our behavior, we are not responsible for our own oppression, we should not have to fall in line in order to not be killed
God but I love being a freaky abnormal weirdo.
Have you *seen* what this society considers normal and acceptable? We should all be against that. We should all be dedicating our lives to uprooting and burning it like the blight that it is.
Always liberation, never assimilation.
Respectability Politics will not save us. Respectability Politics only leave those of us who can’t or will not “pass” more vulnerable bc they are viewed as being the outliers, the weak, the vulnerable.
When we claim those who are Strange, Freaky, and, indeed, Queer, those of us who don’t pass and never will and don’t want to, we scream back in the faces of our oppressors: “if you want the trans women who don’t pass, if you want the leather daddies, if you want the GNC POC, if you want the butches and the queens and the people who *gasp* ‘reinforce stereotypes,’ then bitch, come get some, because when you fuck with one of us you fuck with all of us,” that’s when we make real progress. Liberation, not assimilation.
I refuse to lick the boots of the Straights and beg them to accept those Queers who are palatable to them. I will demand we are all accepted, no fucking compromises.
But, you know, you do you, I guess.
The guy next to me in a coffee shop is
telling his date ‘You know you girls are all liars. Well, not all, but I’d say
80%. More than half.’‘Girls think they have power over men by using sex as a bargaining chip and they don’t.‘
Now he’s telling her about a ‘psycho’
date he had who started telling him how ‘patronizing’ he was OUT OF NOWHEREHe’s a musician but he says he couldn’t date any of the ‘sheep’ who come to his gigs.
He’s been talking about himself literally nonstop since I sat down fifteen minutes ago. The scariest thing is the girl is listening actively, leaning forward, and smiling and giggling while I’m mentally screaming ‘Run, girl, run!’
Now he’s talking about gig he did for the troops in Afghanistan and how dangerous it was. ‘I could have been shot by a sniper at any second. But I was making people human. I was keeping them from going crazy. I was playing bass and crowd-surfing on my back. We were treated like ACDC. I had a prejudice about the military but you see the armed forces for what they are. They’re good people.’
He’s finally stopped telling her about the military and has gone back to covering every detail of his career. I still know absolutely nothing about his date.
Now he’s complaining about how bad the dancers were at one of his gigs (‘pathetic, ridiculous’).
Now he’s giving her a detailed history lesson on Greco-Turkish military conflict. I swear I’m not making any of this up.
Summary of the rest of the date:
Guy’s talking continues, relentless. Girl’s responses slowly growing more and more lackluster (unnoticed). Finally Guy gets up to use the bathroom. I casually say to Girl, ‘First date?’ A few seconds later, we’re recapping every obnoxious moment, literally holding onto each other, doubled over and gasping with laughter. ‘He hasn’t stopped talking since I sat down!’ ‘Oh my god, I’m so tired!’ ‘I mean, it’s your choice, but I wouldn’t go on a second date with that guy.’ More peals of laughter. ‘Oh my god, I’m so tired!’ ‘Not that I wanted to eavesdrop, but when he said all women were liars…’ ‘I know, right? I couldn’t believe it! I didn’t want to offend him, but…’ And so on. Finally: ‘Shh, here he comes.’
We straighten up and I pretend to be working on my laptop. Guy comes back to the table and they leave together. She waves at me behind his back.
no way could i have gotten through that date
OMG
You know, I actually think that dude may have a point about 80% of girls he’s known being liars. Haven’t we all been that girl at some point, fake-smiling and faking interest in some self-obsessed douchenozzle going on about his Important Manly Self?
Being scared to tell him HONESTLY how disgusting and awful he is, since he could flip out and kill us for rejecting his ass or stalk us or any number of things many men do.
Yep. Girls do lie. For survival. Because men like him exist.
^
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#justdisabledthings
people not understanding that a cold isnt “just a cold” when you already have an illness.
PREACH
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